Crossing the Threshold is HARD – Choose Your Hard
If you haven’t been reading my blogs of late, it might make more sense to read my previous blog, “What’s the cost of not playing full out and living your life completely,” before you read any more: https://mindfitlifecoaching.com/whats-the-cost/
I’ve crossed the threshold. I’m at 5 weeks post-surgery after a full left knee replacement and recently had the toughest physiotherapist session I’ve ever had to get my new knee prosthesis working and juicy so that I can begin the hard job of walking without a crutch at least 50% of the time.
“Why did I do it?” I’ve asked myself that question multiple times over the past 5 weeks, especially when it’s painful and I just want to do the things I could do quite normally before the surgery and I come up with the same answer every single time, “because I have an adventurous spirit and I decided to go through this very hard thing so that I can experience life more fully.”
A while back, I remember reading about why we should choose our ‘hard.” The first few lines really made sense to me, and since the origin of this piece is unknown, I’ve taken the liberty of changing the last few sentences.
“Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.
Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard.
Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.
Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.
You can choose to see life as hard.
You can choose to see life as a miracle. (Thank you, Einstein)
Pick wisely!
~ Unknown (now revised by me 😊)
So, I picked the hard road and elected to have this life-changing surgery, but I know and trust that everything is impermanent. My leg will heal. I will walk properly soon. It will get better. And…. something else will come along and I’ll have to choose again, and again, and again…..
It’s the way life works, and of course, we all know this, but when we’re in the thick of it, it feels so hard and so uncomfortable, and then we get to choose to see through new ‘eyes’ and remind ourselves that ‘this too shall pass.’ That’s a choice.
The thing is, it’s hard to walk with an injured and permanently damaged knee, and it was hard to go through this modern surgery. I chose the hard knowing and trusting that over time, if I put in the hard work of rehabilitation and regular exercise, I will experience life more fully when I’m fully healed. I know this. I trust this. It will take 6 to 9 months. That’s hard to hear, but I’m already more than a month down the line. It was also hard to hear that without some corrective surgery, I wouldn’t be able to hike in beautiful landscapes, climb the ladder to my rooftop tent, run after my grandchildren, or walk on gorgeous beaches at sunrise.
My situation is unique to me, and your situation might be the hard job of dealing with your daily stress, or the constant anxiety about your future, or the worry about your family members’ mental health, or the bills that you still need to pay. These things feel hard in the moment, but the good news is that it won’t always be like that if you’re prepared to also do the ‘hard’ thing of simply noticing when you’re low and how sometimes you’re just not. It’s part of the system.
Here’s the really good news! You’re only one thought away from doing life ‘hard’ or doing life knowing that this ‘hard’ will pass and you’ll be ok. It’s the simplest and most powerful thing I can share with you. The simplicity of this confuses people. “Surely I have to DO something so that I can heal/feel better / get over this / …?” is the question I get asked the most by my clients. My constant response is “yes and no,” and here’s why.
Yes – you might have to do things and – no – there’s nothing to do until you choose to look inside yourself to find the truth of what the thing you feel you need to do is in alignment with what you’re meant to do. If that sounds even more confusing, let me put it more simply and use the words of one of my favourite teachers in the world, Mavis Karn.
Here is the letter Mavis wrote many years ago as a gift to young offenders she was working with, and which fully describes what I’m attempting to share with you here.
You can also listen to Mavis narrating her letter here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRzskZ56cBc
Dear Kids (and former kids),
I have a secret to tell you, Nobody meant to keep it from you…It’s just that it’s been one of those things that’s so obvious that people couldn’t see it…like looking all over for the key that you have in your hand.
The secret is that you are already a completely whole, perfect person. You are not damaged goods, you are not incomplete, you are not flawed, you are not unfinished, and you do not need remodelling, fixing, polishing, or major rehabilitation. You already have within you everything you need to live a wonderful life. You have common sense, wisdom, genius creativity, humour, self-esteem…you are pure potential…you are missing nothing.
The only thing that can keep you from enjoying all that you already are is a thought. One thought, your thought. Not someone else’s thought. Your thought . . . Whatever thought you are thinking at the moment that feels more important to think than feeling grateful, alive, content, joyful, optimistic, loving, and at peace. . . that’s the only thing that’s between you and happiness.
And guess who’s in charge of your thinking? Guess who gets to decide where your attention goes? Guess who gets to write, produce, direct, and star in the moment you’re in the middle of? You! Just you. Not your past (stored thought), not the future (did you ever notice that it never, ever shows up?), not your parents (they all think their own thoughts), or your friends (ditto), or school or television or situations or circumstances or anything else. Just you.
Thinking is an awesome capability. Like any capability, it can be used whether as a tool or as a weapon against ourselves and others. And just like with any other tool, we can tell whether we’re using it for or against ourselves by how it feels. When we think against ourselves or others, we get in trouble. When we don’t, we usually stay out of trouble.
FEELINGS EXIST TO WARN US AWAY FROM USING OUR THINKING TO CREATE TROUBLE IN OUR LIVES AND TO GUIDE US BACK TO OUR NATURAL, HEALTHY ABILITY TO LIVE OUR LIVES TO THE FULLEST.
So, please remember that your thoughts are not always telling you the truth. When we’re in low moods, feeling down, our thoughts are not to be trusted…our IQ drops. When our thoughts pass and we lighten up, our thinking is once again creative and positive…our IQ goes up. The only way you can feel badly about yourself and your life is if you think badly about them…it’s up to you, every single minute you’re alive. It’s always up to you!
This is the best, most liberating secret I ever learned, and I want you to know it too ~ With love, Mavis 🥰
Have you crossed the threshold? What situation are you currently in that might change if you changed just one thought about how hard it is?
Every day has some hard and painful moments while I’m healing and every day is full of small miracles like being able to bend my leg just a little bit more and through all of it, life continues with its ups and downs and I get to experience it all fully and know that I’m ok 😊
All my love
Sha ❤️
